There is no one to blame.
Yesterday, I felt like things were going really, really well. My mom is in town so she was watching and entertaining Zia and I felt like I was legit getting shit done work wise. Arrow took a couple long naps, I even got in a little workout in. I was knocking out I will's from my list and thinking up about a billion more including the best idea ever of giving away Love Notes all month long (use code "feblovenotes" no purchase necessary).
I had also taken a full day, a legit full day, 12 hours away from home to attend the Good Fest in LA Saturday so this momma and business owner was feeling gooooooood! I threw in a load of laundry to add to my getting shit done and even remembered to put in the dryer right when it was ready.
And that is when shit hit the fan.... I opened up the washer to find little bubbly things all over. Not bubbles like from the soap...like plasticy bubbles... Fuuuuuuckkkkk it was everywhere! And I knew right away....it was a diaper. I washed a diaper. And it was now ALL over all of our stuff and I was going to have to stop my productive streak to clean it all up.
How did this happen??? Who put a diaper in the laundry basket? Was there a diaper in a pile of clothes I picked up? Who did this! It wasn't me. No way, it wasn't me.. Was it my mom, I mean she doesn't live here so she must of left clothes and a diaper together. She must have messed it all up. Or was it Bodie? Who left a freaking diaper near clothes that I picked up?? FUCK! I really did not want to stop everything to clean all of this up.
I was annoyed, SO annoyed. I seriously felt rage as I pulled each item out of the washer and into a cardboard box so that I could take it outside to shake into the trash. I could barely even think straight trying to figure out how I was going to clean all of this up and how much of my precious time it was going to take.
Outside, standing over the trash can, brushing off each piece of clothing, inside and out is where it clicked. I saw that I had to take responsibility. I remembered that blame gets me NO where fast. If I want stay in a place of anger, annoyance, rage for hours, even days, sure....find someone else to blame. But, besides my time, my energy is precious, and I knew I was wasting it. So, I asked myself where can I take responsibility? (something I teach in BYOJ).
No matter how that diaper had gotten into the basket, I had put in the machine. It may have been hidden in clothes. But it had gotten in there, and I had put it in. There was no one to blame.
And also there was no point in being angry and frustrated with myself for not sorting through the laundry as I put it in, because it had already happened. We can only change what we do in the future and how we move forward. We can not and will never be able to change the past, even the past of an hour ago or 5 seconds ago.
Heightened emotions take up a lot of space. So I try to sort through them as they come. Blame isn't a fun one. We can almost always find someone else to blame, but what does it solve? How does it help us? By choosing blame, we are often choosing anger, annoyance and all other icky, energy sucking emotions and I don't got time or space for that!
Of course yes, sometimes there is someone to blame. A drunk driver hits your parked car. Yes, they are to blame. You lose your job because the company is going out of business, hard to find your part of responsibility there. The government raises taxes...yep, you could find someone to blame.
But how does it help? The only way it can help is to get you into action. If you are upset about something that is affecting your life and you can't take responsibility in it at all, use it to stand for what you believe in and create change.
I promise you, approaching life this way will create so much freedom and joy in your life! There is no one to blame.
What already happened, already happened.
You can't change the past, but you can change how you react to it and deal with it moving forward!
I will be enrolling for my signature program Be Your Own Joyologist, The Program very soon where I get into this deeper! Sign up to get on the list for a special offer when it opens!
And....I am about to open a very few limited spots for my one on one program, contact me if you are interested!